The joy of becoming a new mother is a completely amazing and
miraculous feeling. Your body goes
through metamorphosis and your emotions go along for the ride. You are on an extreme high one day and a miserable
low the other. The upbeat “work
professional” image I had constructed went straight out the door; as I was
suddenly overcome with urge to say exactly what I was feeling at any given
moment. Conversely, I had an
uncontrollable need to let the tears pour out at random commercials and sappy
love songs.
At the end of the nine-month process, you have co-created a new
life and it’s a glorious process. Over
the next few months, you bond with your baby and relish at all her milestones. The thought of leaving your child for even a
moment seems unimaginable…. Nevertheless, you know that that time will come, so
you enjoy every second with your child.
It was important for my partner and I for one of us to stay
home with our daughter for the first year and that person was me, due to my
totally crap job and poor employment choices.
Then I became an awesome “full-time” mom, but the cost of living on one
income in one of the most over-priced cities in the US was starting to take a
toll on us and our finances.
No sweat, I’ll just go back to work… during the worst economy
or country has known in over a generation.
Great!
Miraculously I was
able to secure a job working for a great organization within walking distance
from our home. Then the daunting task
of finding care for my child became a 24/7 research project. I interviewed nannies, visited countless
daycares and in a moment of insanity, considered moving my mom to the state to
provide fulltime care.
In the end, I found a wonderful daycare close to home. Given
that my daughter has spent nearly 100% of her time with one or both of her
parents, I thought she would have some sort of mental fit; and I would be
around to come a retrieve her for the care provider. I decided to enroll my daughter a week early
as a mutual trial for all parties.
I drop her off on a cloudy Monday morning, and thought I
would go home and read and do some cleaning.
In my mind, I was waiting for the call to console my baby who missed me
senselessly. I waited – no call.
When we went to pick her up on her first day, she was
laughing and playing with the others babies.
I thought to myself, “good – she enjoys being here.” As the week progressed, my daughter was becoming
adjusted quite easily, me on the other hand, I was going through some sort of psychologically
breakdown (yet again). My daughter is
moving on and what does that mean for me?
On the last
day of her first week, I dropped her off and she smiled at her care provider
and rested her head on her shoulder. My
heart broke, I mean she rarely does that for me and now this woman has reached
that level in less than a week.
Then the
realization of motherhood kicked me in the butt. I realized that she is my daughter and
therefore, we will always have a special bond, but she will also make new
relationships throughout the course of her life. The relationship with her care provider is
just the first of many new relationships.
I am happy that she is a loving, open child.
Now that she
is happy and secure, I will focus on my new work and the ever-evolving nature
of motherhood.
About
CC our guest blog contributor. Former
community organizer, worked for SEIU, CHANGE (Industrial Areas Foundation),
Leadership Conference on Civil Rights.
She is an active blogger, writing about personal stories and reflections
on various topics relating to race, class and gender issues at
www.causereaction.blogspot.com.